Thanks to my J-school buddy Taryn for directing me to these seminal recipes from Rachael Ray and Paula Deen: bacon and peas, respectively. The best part is the reviews.
Here’s Rachael Ray’s “Late night bacon.” To summarize the instructions: microwave bacon. Here’s my favorite comment:
Now I’m in trouble. I laid the strips out NOT overlapping but in a pattern that may or may not of looked like the shape of a pentagram. After the 2 minute mark a bacon portal had opened. Bacon tentacles reached through the microwave grabbing my arms trying to pull me in to the realm of Baconelzebub.
I braced myself pulling against the savory bacon tentacles. Nothing on this planet, this realm could stop it. Or is there? Thinking on my feet I grabbed each tasty strip and began ripping apart and stuffing my mouth full of this… this bacon demon.
Now, I can justify instructions on making bacon, because you have to do it properly, and some people have never been taught. But Paula Deen shows us how to make “English peas.” The recipe: “Melt the butter in small pot and add the peas. Cook over medium heat until peas are warm.”
From “Imawheelwatcher”: I think you’re all missing the point. It’s the melting the butter before putting in the peas that makes the difference.
I remember once when my wife asked me to make her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I had never done so, having had a mother to do it for me. I asked my wife which side I should put the peanut butter on. Or if I should put the jelly on top of the peanut butter and bare bread on top. She got as angry as a cornered mongoose, saying it didn’t matter because she could just flip the sandwich over. I told her she was eating it wrong. I put the peanut butter on top. She has never gone back to her jelly top. She did, however, divorce me.
I shall make this Paula’s peas again.
And from LovinPaula:
Paula comes through with another winner. Who would’ve thought of adding pot to peas and butter. I’ve always loved Paula’s double chocolate, pot laced brownies, but this takes it to a new level. I do wish Paula would have been more specific about the amount of pot to add to the recipe, but I guess she leaves it to a person’s individual taste. Thank you Paula. Lovin you, gal. Keep innovatin’.