Dry Beans, Dry Beans, the Magical Fruit


Today, kids, we’re going to talk about something really basic: beans. Legumes are high in protein and fiber. Try to cut back on meat, and you’re gonna start learning a whole lot about ’em. Sure, it’s easier to buy beans in the can. Yes, it takes a long time to cook dry beans. But since you’re going to be lying around the house hungover on Sunday, you might as well cook some beans while you’re at it.

I prefer dry beans because they’re easier to transport–just try cramming a bunch of heavy cans into your bike basket–and way fucking cheaper. These red beans are $1.50 a pound in bulk, about the same price as a can, which only holds maybe a cup or two of beans.

So how do you cook ’em? Here’s how:

How to Cook Beans

1. Soak overnight. I usually use about 2 cups of water for every cup of beans.

2. The next day, bring 3 cups of water to a boil in a pot–preferably a smallish one, so the heat is more concentrated–for every cup of beans.

3. Meanwhile, rinse and sort through beans.

4. Add beans to boiling water and cover. Stir frequently, and add more water as needed. Boil for 2 to 3 hours until tender.

You can use your cooked beans to make chili, or just eat ’em plain with sriracha. (Try it. Sriracha makes everything tasty.)


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